4 Months Today

Happy 4 month birthday baby boy! Your mommy and daddy sure do love you. Even when they don't post photos or videos of you for a long, long time!

Jen is now working part-time, meaning we hope our lives will be slower and more enjoyable. In the last 5 weeks, there were 4 days where we were both off together.

ExerSaucer

Eli's first time in the ExerSaucer. Note the left jabs.

Ellis Week 15 Photos

Ellis Week 15 - a set on Flickr

Fun on the Tummy

Look how happy he is! Tummy time turned fun about two weeks ago. Now he goes for 10 minutes of it after each nap without putting up a stink. I think he can better see what's on the mat and he can look around the room more. You also get to hear my recap of the first time he rolled himself over.

A conversation with Eli

4th of July Bath

This is Eli trying to look like a founding father during bath time since he'll be in bed for fireworks.

Video Chat

Today Eli learned how to video chat with his Aunt Mer. Isn't technology great?

This morning's photo shoot

New Neighbors - Nate & Megan

Less than one month after their wedding, Nate and Megan moved in across the street from us! We celebrated by having an indoor picnic of sorts with brats, chicken, corn on the cob, watermelon, and baked beans. Megan made a tasty dessert with lemon zest. We are excited to have such good friends literally across the street from us now.

How Much Does It Cost to Raise a Child?

anywhere from $205,960 to $475,680 for a child born in 2009

Consumer Reports Guide to Baby Products : How much does it cost to raise a child?

Thursday

The day started by Eli showing both of us that his first roll over yesterday was no fluke - shortly after he awoke this morning, he rolled to both his right and to his left! We both got to witness it this time before I headed out to work.

After work, our friends Liz and Kelsey watched Eli so Jen and I could grab nachos at our favorite neighborhood place just a few blocks away. I know it's hard to believe a place advertising both Mexican and Italian food can do both well; they do. Both the nachos and pizza are our favorites!

Parent Videos

Since becoming parents 3+ months ago, friends have shared the following videos with us:




Mommy Rhapsody from Church on the Move on Vimeo.


Dad Life from Church on the Move on Vimeo.

Ellis Week 14 Photos

There, now we're all caught up on posting photos to the blog.

Ellis Week 14 - a set on Flickr

Pink Pig

Does he realize the pig is there? Does he realize it matches his pink Bumbo? (We got it for free before we knew our baby was a boy. Boys can wear pink too!)

Ellis Week 13 Photos

Fewer photos as this was Jen's first week back to work.

Ellis Week 13 - a set on Flickr

Ellis Week 12 Photos

Ellis Week 12

Starting to see some great smiles!

Roll Over

Eli awoke from his second morning nap and after cuddling with him for a bit, I put him down for some tummy time on this "baby thing" for which I'm sure there is a better word but I don't know it. Anyways, I turn to my computer to start a podcast when I hear a THUMP. I look back and there he is, looking up at the ceiling!

I get all excited and then realize I may scare him so I start smiling and laughing with him and he starts smiling too.

So it's official, we had our first roll over this morning! I called Jen who was at work and she was happy I could be there to witness a first. Of course she also wished she could have been there too. Our life currently consists of alternating work days - one of us is at work and the other is at home with the boy.

Mandrake

When Eli gets upset, his bottom lip comes out and his face scruntches up. It reminds of the mandrakes in Harry Potter. Do you see the resemblance?

http://www.evtv1.com/player.aspx?itemnum=10380

Ellis Week 11

Ellis Week 11 - a set on Flickr

Catching up during halftime of the US Ghana match. Several sad faces this week.

3 Months and Counting

So with Jen back to work, the posting has reached a standstill. My mom is in town with us this week, so I might be able to get up some more photos. This is the last weekly weigh-in now that Eli's 3 months old (and already doubled his birth weight last week): 14 lbs, 2 oz.

Maternity Leave Ends

Jen returns to work tomorrow after 12.5 weeks off. She timed the birth right (as if she had any say in the matter) so we got an extra long weekend. It's been a wonderful 88 days of having her home and with Eli all the time. She's not dreading the return like I thought she would. Now I'm not saying she's thrilled to go back either. I think we accept our life situation pretty well at the moment. We had a great night together here preparing for tomorrow. I am looking forward to being home with our son all day tomorrow. Not that I have much planned - I have found that he's the boss and if I can get anything done, it's going to be whenever he lets me!

Double

We didn't think it would happen, but today on Eli's 12th week birthday, he has doubled his birth weight and now weighs 13 lbs 14 oz. Now you have to understand that it's normal for babies to double their weight in 6 months. Yep, he's a little chunker. Pure breast milk, that's the secret.

Early Smiles

Ellis Week 10 Photos

Ellis Week 10 - a set on Flickr

11 weeks

13 lbs 4 oz

Rather fussy tonight while playing cards with friends - decided he'd rather stay up with everybody than go to bed by himself. Still incredibly cute!

New pics coming soon.

Sexual Obesity

A simple article about sexuality in our culture today.

Evangelicals for Social Action

Ellis Week 9

Ellis Week 9 - a set on Flickr

Almost all caught up with photos!

10 Weeks

The weight gain train has finally slowed down for Eli. He only gained 2 oz this week, meaning he's now 12 lbs 13 oz. We did start cloth diapers though, so he looks like he gained a few pounds in his waist region.

Ellis Week 8

Ellis Week 8 - a set on Flickr

Only 2 weeks behind now!

Size 2

Further evidence of Eli's growth: today we said goodbye to size 1 diapers (8-14 lbs) and said hello to size 2 (12-18 lbs)! I'll post his weight again on Friday after we weigh him. I thought Jen was crazy when she came home a few weeks ago with a box of size 2 diapers. Turns out it was a genius decision. Glad I'm not in this by myself.

Ellis Week 7

Photos now uploaded:

Ellis Week 7 - a set on Flickr

Week 6 Photos

http://www.flickr.com/photos/28794320@N05/sets/72157624130538504/

9 weeks and catching up

I've fallen behind in blogging. Maybe I can blame it on the burglary a month ago. That excuse is wearing thin by now... I'm still working on one last ditch effort to recover photos from my camera's memory card. But until then, I'll be updating weekly photos. For now, here's Eli at 9 weeks, weighing in at a whopping 12 lbs 11 oz. At his appointment last week, the pediatrician said, "Wow, you are a chunker!"

First Movie Away

Last week, Jen and I went to watch Iron Man 2. I was disappointed, she was not - reminding me that it was a sequel after all. The more important point is that it was our first night away from Eli. My mom was in town to take care of him - what a help she was! We were sad to learn upon returning that he cried for over an hour after we left. I don't believe he knew we were gone - he wasn't even 2 months old! We really liked the first Iron Man movie, so we wanted to catch this one on the big screen. I also heard so many parents tell me how many months it had been since they had been out to a movie after having kids. I took this as a challenge and am proud to say we got out to our first movie so soon. We were exhausted on the drive home. All that for just sitting there in the dark.

Massage and Smiles

Jen, Ellis and I started an infant massage together last week. We learned about tummy and legs/feet the first day and then chest and arms/hands on the second. Both sessions were during the morning, when Ellis is normally asleep. He didn't really like it in the class or when we tried it at home. This afternoon after waking up from a nap, I massaged his chest and arms/hands. He resisted a little but liked certain "moves" (if there is a more technical term for this, I'm all ears). He seemed to even enjoy it a little. After the massage while we were having dinner, Ellis was the most smiley I have ever seen him. He smiled 6 times in a row while looking directly at me. I cried. I think we'll continue with the massage.

6 weeks

Ellis weighed in at 10 lbs, 15 oz today! That's a full 4 pound net gain in 6 weeks. At this rate, he would weigh 41 lbs at his first birthday and 353 lbs by his tenth birthday. Good news: we are expecting his rate of weight gain to decrease...

New Furniture

I'm not sure what to call the object Jen bought at IKEA today. It's a bookcase that's turned sideways so it's wider than it is tall. It doubles as a place to store Eli's diaper stuff, toys, and other baby paraphernalia. It matches his crib and looks nice in that corner of the room. Of course, the photo's going to be delayed with the missing MacBook. I will say that this was the easiest and fastest piece of furniture I have assembled. I hope Eli likes it. Jen will as she won't have to kneel down on the floor to change diapers; neither will I.

Baby Monitor

We are in the sixth week now. Eli is making more noise during the night, or so Jen tells me. She's the saint who gets up to feed and change him. I still wake up tired. She looks good.

So I opened the baby monitor we received at a shower and tested it out; so far so good. We just put Eli to bed in his crib with the monitor up and running. Here's to better sleeping.

Burglary

Jen and Eli went to Wisconsin on Friday. I went to dinner and out with some friends. When I came home, I thought it odd that a light was home. I then opened the front door and found it was chained shut. Through the three inch gap, I looked into our bedroom and saw drawers opened and clothes strewn about. Though I didn't hear anything, I decided to call the police.

The office entered with drawn gun; nobody was there. I had been praying that the external hard drives were still there, figuring that both laptops, the iPod, the Wii and the digital camera would all be gone. The thief must love all things Apple as only the iPod and the MacBook were missing. Everything else was sitting out in plain sight. Must have been looking for things that will sell quickly and are easy to transport as it appeared they were looking for cash, jewelry and firearms from where stuff was thrown out of drawers.

The thief came in through the front window, looked through Jen's desk, both out nightstands, the dressers, and both closets. It wasn't a very smart thief as all the cash from baby showers was in my desk! The thief left through the back door, leaving it a few feet open.

We figure someone scoped out the place and knew we weren't home. I'm feeling mostly thankful as no one was home, we have insurance, and I expected to have lost a lot more. I don't feel someone violated our space, but I do feel vulnerable in that someone can see all 8,000 of our photos that were on the Mac. My friends keep reassuring me that the drive has already been wiped and the computer's been sold. (And yes, I have been checking Craigslist just to see if it appears!)

In my ethics class this semester, we've talked a fair bit about memory and remembering rightly. I am trying to hold the perpetrator in my memory justly - neither demonizing him/her nor letting him/her off the hook. An injustice was committed against me. I would like to meet with the thief, though I realize it's unlikely. I would like to hear the story of the circumstances and offer forgiveness to him/her.

The "good neighbors" at State Farm are pretty helpful, so I should be getting a new iPod and MacBook later this week. Needless to say, Eli's photos are going to be posted late!

Kids on Human Trafficking in South Africa for World Cup

While this video is political (because it's about people and their/our life together), it's not about particular legislation, candidates or parties. Simply about the abuse and injustice that will happen in the country hosting this year's World Cup.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7VxD3RmRUf0

Eli's Weight Gain

Birth: 6-15

3 days: 6-9 (lost 6 oz)

1 week: 7-1 (birth weight regained)

2 weeks: 7-11

3 weeks: 8-10 (almost a pound in a week!)

4 weeks: 9-6

1 mo checkup: 10-0

5 weeks: 10-1 (today)

That's three pounds net gain in five weeks. If this rate continues, he'll weigh just over 38 pounds at one year. I doubt that will happen though. Just a fun mathematical exercise (for me).

Bath Time Follies

Eli loves his baths. I mean this kid has not cried at all during all the baths we have given him. He tenses up when his feet or butt make first contact with the water, but that's it. I'm already looking forward to baby "swimming lessons" with him once he turns 6 mo.

Today, we put his little tub on the kitchen counter beside the sink so I wouldn't break my back bending over the tub. I don't know how many of you have ever given a baby a bath, but once the No More Tears shampoo/soap gets all over them, they are slippery! So it became painful to be balancing myself kneeling beside the tub and worrying about Eli slipping out of my hands and hitting his head or something.

Tonight's bath was going along great. It's fun that Eli can hold his head up for the most part and that his eyes are tracking us more and more. I'm more comfortable with how to give a bath, including cleaning the hard to reach folds of skin on his neck.

But I made the mistake of washing his face with a washcloth that was too full of water! He sputtered and clenched his whole body as he coughed and cried for a minute. It's amazing that his little body knows where water is not supposed to go: in the lungs. I was freaking out, realizing that I nearly drowned my son! Thankfully Jen was there to calm me down and reassure me that it was not that bad. I felt terrible.

We toweled him off in his hooded towels. I was putting a diaper on him when I noticed his face was wet. He had peed on himself. What an end to the bath time adventure. I told Jen that if he cries during the next bath, it's because I've traumatized him!

First Road Trip

We took our first road trip up to Green Bay this weekend so Eli met Grandpa Jim and his side of the family. Here they are in their first moments together.

Eli was a champ both on the road and in the hotel. Everything takes longer with a baby.

Where did we have lunch? Curly's Pub at Lambeau field. We will continue rooting Packers and secretly hoping the Lions break 500 one of these seasons...

Ellis Week 4 Photos

Today marks one month for Ellis!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/28794320@N05/sets/72157623892900728/

Habituation

Here is one of the first experiments that Ellis participated in. I was following the book Touchpoints by T. Berry Brazelton. Watch how quickly he habituates to the light...

Diaper Growth

Ellis has transitioned from the "N" (newborn) to the "1" in diaper sizing. In case anyone cares, we use Pampers Swaddlers. There's a big difference - he went from filling out the N to the drowning in the 1.

First Restaurant

Last night, Jen, Kristi and I took Ellis to dinner with us at Red Robin. Ellis slept through the whole outing, despite the loud music, the kids at the table next to us, or it being in the evening. We enjoyed the hamburgers (especially the Santa Fe), unlimited fries and malts. The first restaurant outing was almost flawless until we heard the manager whistling at us after we left the restaurant. We had forgotten the diaper bag at the table. At least we had the baby with us.

A different baby

When I got home after work today and played with Ellis for about an hour, he was completely calm, just as how I remember his first week in the world. He was alert, moving, making soft sounds - very pleasant to be around! I was about at my limit last night when I posted last. I'm amazed at the change in temperament from day to day. I suppose it will serve me well to remember this when the next fussy day comes. And, before falling asleep, I realized that it was I who was fussy more than it was Ellis.

Fussy, Fussy

Ellis was fussy today. Jen said he wanted to be picked up almost all day. I was gone most of the day studying and at class. When I came home, we walked to a Thai restaurant for take out dinner and ate at home. Ellis fell asleep on the walk but woke up when we got home. After dinner, we took a long walk and put him in the stroller. Despite all the bumps on the sidewalk, Ellis was fast asleep. I fed him a bottle when we got home and he woke up (5 minutes after we arrived). And then he fussed and squirmed while watching LOST. I gave in and handed him over to Jen. I get it Ellis: I am not a patient person!

Ellis Week 3 Photos

All caught up!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/28794320@N05/sets/72157623725636885/

Ellis Week 2 Photos

Only 1 week behind now...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/28794320@N05/sets/72157623718589123/

Eye Contact

I came home today at 6 and found Ellis sound asleep on Jen's chest. I held him while we watched the news and then gave him a bottle. Through the whole 3.5 oz, he kept his eyes on me and I talked to him just about the whole while. It was a magical 20 min.

Ellis Week 1 Photos

I'm two weeks behind, but catching up...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/28794320@N05/sets/72157623710816641/

Hiccups

This is Ellis at 9 days. Note the neck muscles. Sorry about the odd background noise. I have opened a case with Nikon (L110) to try to figure out what's going on...or I'm returning it.

Night 9

Last night was the most challenging one yet, and that's saying a lot as most of the 9 nights of our lives with Ellis have been quite pleasant. He fussed more than usual, he had the hiccups 3 times, he woke up to feed sooner than usual, and once he stayed awake the whole 2.5 hours between feedings. We kept him up as much as possible today and after the next feeding, we're off to bed.

Day 1 & 2 Photos

We've started a Flickr page for photos of Ellis. We've also made a permanent link to the photostream "Ellis Photos" under the "Links" section of this blog:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/28794320@N05/sets/72157623599412053/

Hospital Photos

You can see the professional photographer's work (and order prints) here:

http://www.our365.com/NewbornPortraits/BabyDetail.aspx?birthid=bfc743c7-a17c-4ff2-aaeb-dd95858d1e43

Day 1

Jen's family was the first to arrive.

The first skin to skin, approximately one hour after birth.

The first poop.

Eli loves looking at whomever is holding him!

Bath time

This is one of our favorite pictures of Eli. He's getting his first bath at the hospital. He didn't cry too much during the bath, but we may have shed a tear laughing at how he looked during it!!

Night 5

Following a terrific 4.5 hours of sleep, Eli refused to fall back asleep between 3-6 am. Mom fed him twice in there, and Dad tried to lull him by watching Kung Fu Panda. We're feeling good at the moment, but we'll be tired this afternoon. We're going to keep the little guy more awake today.

Baby Ellis

Jen gave birth to our son, Ellis Isaac, on Friday around noon. He also goes by Eli. He wass 6 lbs 15 oz and 20.5 in long. He is a wonder to behold! It was a natural birth involving a fast 4 hours of intense labor after Jen's water broke. The pregnancy was considered term, though he came 2 weeks earlier than his due date. Baby, Mom and Dad are all healthy and doing great. We came home Saturday evening and have since figured out breastfeeding, diaper changes, and we made a few field trips to the pediatrician, Babies R Us and a neighborhood walk.

Andrew caught Ellis as he was born and gave him to Jen!

The closest I'm coming to getting a tattoo.

Proud and tired.

Long and lean!

Carseat installation

LATCH system is operational. Now to have it checked by a professional (police officer).

OnLive - the future of gaming

http://www.onlive.com/

Two minute video. Wow.

Cradle

A kind and generous coworker has loaned us this cradle that her father made for her to use with her own children. There is a metal nameplate for each child that has used this crib over the years - I think our child will be about the fifteenth - as other friends of this woman have also been blessed with it for the first months of their children's lives. It fits nicely in our bedroom along one wall, a foot's reach from the bed to give the little one a gentle rocking in the night if s/he is fussy. That means neither of us has to get out of bed!

Diapers

Here you can see our cloth diapers are washed, air dried, and ready to go.

Diapers Ready

30 weeks

Crib

We received the crib at the shower over the weekend. We set it up tonight. 48 minutes flat. Check out the clocks if you doubt it. This baby thing isn't going to be that hard, is it?!?!

Starting at 5:21p

In the middle of it

Finished

Ready and waiting...

Obama speaks with Republicans

This is a long video (slightly over an hour) but it gives us an idea of the interaction happening between the president and house Republicans.

No GM Alfalfa!

From the Organic Consumers Association:

Barack Obama, despite promising us "change we can believe in," is unfortunately turning out to be just as pro-GMO as the preceding Bush and Clinton administrations, packing the USDA and other government bureaucracies with Monsanto men and biotech cheerleaders such as former Iowa Governor, Tom Vilsack, named "Biotech Governor of the Year" in 2001, now serving as USDA Secretary. Vilsack, notorious for flying around in a Monsanto company jet during one of his previous election campaigns, is now busy trying to get the court-ordered ban on Roundup Ready alfalfa lifted by issuing a new draft environmental impact statement (EIS) that denies or downplays the obvious environmental (genetic pollution and creation of herbicide-resistant superweeds) and human health hazards of GM alfalfa.

Alfalfa is the fourth most widely grown crop in the U.S. and a key source of dairy forage and hay. The first perennial crop to be genetically engineered, GM alfalfa can regenerate itself from its root-stock. It is open-pollinated by bees, which can cross-pollinate at distances of several miles, spreading Monsanto's patented, foreign DNA to non-GMO and organic crops. Widespread GMO-contamination of organic alfalfa is inevitable if the Obama Administration successfully distorts science and ignores public opinion and allows Monsanto's GM Roundup Ready alfalfa to be planted across the U.S.

Take action!

http://capwiz.com/grassrootsnetroots/issues/alert/?alertid=14469696

Why's everyone wearing glasses?

I have thought for a long time that as our worlds become smaller and smaller, our eyesight is getting worse and worse. Now there's a little something to it. Solution: have your kids play outside for 2+ hrs/day! So we can avoid both Nature Deficit Disorder and near-sightedness.

Read the article here.

Pistons Plays of the Decade

When your team is on a 13 game losing streak, you need to remember the good times. Go Pistons!!!

Relationships and Rightness

I read this morning and thought it aptly described some of my own thinking and feeling:

The question is how to relate to these individuals when a controversial topic—abortion, say, or Afghanistan—is broached. We have a stock of options for response: retreat, limited resistance (arguing only until someone gets upset), a strategic diversion (speaking of Afghan affairs, did I tell you I’ve learned to crochet?), or full-scale engagement.

Hmm … Interestingly, these are all military metaphors. There’s something about political dialogue more than any other topic that flips us into combat mode. There’s ground we feel compelled to protect, or to gain. For the duration of the argument, the other person stops being my sister or my uncle or my friend: They are my opponent, and I can either convince them of my rightness, or lose.

But lose what? I’ve been mulling that over. Why do I feel so threatened when people I care about take a different political path—and are vocal about it? It’s not the same as reading a columnist I disagree with, or exchanging political punch lines with Facebook acquaintances, or getting into a discussion over healthcare with a colleague at work. Such cases may generate hot air, but they don’t leave me feeling as heated up and vulnerable inside. There’s no personal relationship. When we care about someone, we let them have a stake in our well-being. And part of our well-being, we believe, is staked on being right. The relationships and the rightness get all tangled up.

Read the full article.

Google Wave

Anybody interested in the future of online communication? Here it is in less than 8 minutes!



Here is the complete guide, if you want more: http://completewaveguide.com/

Takraw

This is the favorite sport of one of our sponsored children in Thailand, Peerawat. This 5 minute video gives an overview of the sport.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=15asVgf66KI

Squirrel Problem No Longer a Problem

Who'd have known that the answer to all the squirrel attacks against the plants, pots and chairs on the porch were just a click away?? Thank you YOU TUBE!!!

Put Poor People on the Climate Change Agenda

I liked this response from Jim Wallis to a group of senators who asked for feedback from a small group of religious leaders on a Senate bill on climate change.

Thanks for the invitation. You have, I am sure, heard us speak about creation care as the commitment we have to the environment. Most of us believe that human-caused climate change is a threat to God’s creation. Religious leaders actually do listen to scientists, and they are telling us that the pace of climate change is all happening even faster than expected. A good climate bill could signal a whole new direction and could even be a “three-for.”

1. It could protect the environment and begin to slow and eventually even reverse the dangerous and deadly impact of climate change.
2. It could create important and meaningful green energy jobs, many of which could be an opportunity for low-income and undereducated people, and also be good paying work.
3. It could change our foreign policy, which has been dominated by successive wars over oil. This could begin to decrease our dependency on foreign oil.

Read the rest of the article on the God's Politics blog.

A Joyful Surprise!

This morning, we had our routine first trimester ultrasound! Yes, that's right, I'm pregnant! So much has happened since I last wrote, and we've decided it's time to make it public with everyone online.

In mid-July, we went camping with my cousins as we do every year. A week and a half later on a Friday, I got a call that everything was finally ready to go for me to make an appointment at the fertility center. I decided to wait to call on Monday morning so Andrew and I could look at our schedules to be sure we could go together.

Then a strange thing happened. Over the weekend, I didn't get my period. Remember, I've been charting my cycles for years, so when I was one day later than I'd ever been, I knew it immediately. My temperatures remained high, and even had gone to a higher level. A tri-phasic pattern is one sign of pregnancy. So, on Tuesday morning I took a home pregnancy test, but at that point it was really just a formality. Of course, it was positive!

I've been very tired. That's the biggest thing I've noticed. I also am craving Kraft mac'n'cheese and anything with Velveeta. NOT NORMAL! :) But, I can definitely handle this!

Washington Post Reports Meat Eating is 'Huge Contributor' to Climate Change

Last week, the Washington Post summarized a number of recent reports indicating that one of the best things you can do to reduce your carbon footprint or greenhouse gas pollution is to reduce your meat consumption. Here are some quick highlights:

-A Carnegie Melon study found that the average American would benefit the planet more by being vegetarian one day per week than by switching to a totally local diet (heck, why not do both?).

-A University of Chicago study found that switching to a vegan diet would have a bigger impact than trading your gas guzzler for a Prius.

-The head of the United Nations Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, recommended that people give up meat one day a week to take pressure off the atmosphere.

-According to a 2006 United Nations report, livestock accounts for 18 percent of worldwide greenhouse gas emissions.

Although we've reported similar studies in Organic Bytes over the years, it's refreshing to see a mainstream media outlet finally bring attention to the topic. Americans seem okay being told they should recycle, drive less, and weatherize their homes, but something short-circuits when you ask them to reduce their meat consumption.

The OCA article

The Washington Post article

It's Affecting me Deeply

Just a quickie here... 2 issues I'm thinking about this week. One is that last week Andrew and I went camping with my cousins. He and I haven't spent large quantities of time together this summer, it's been busy. So for us to be together (and sleeping in a tent) for 5 days was the first chance we've had to be together like that in a while. While we were driving home, Andrew told me that he started to see during this week that infertility really is changing me and affecting my whole life. Immediately my shoulders dropped and I wanted to cry out of relief. I am NOT making this up.

It is NOT in my head.

Someone else sees it too.

As much as I'd like to pretend I'm fine, I'm not. I want to be the image I have in my head of a strong, independent woman who can do it all and doesn't sweat the small stuff and won't be shaken in the big stuff. The word "steadfast" comes to mind. But, I live in a place called reality and this women in my head is just not me. I'm sensitive. I'm like a vase that cracks easily and may eventually break. I am not invincible.

So, I'm changing. My face, at rest, no longer resembles a smile, and the smiles flow out less freely. I am becoming cynical. I am judgmental. I am bitter. I don't like any of these things, but hopefully admitting it is some kind of first step toward healing.

The second thing going on is that it is taking forever to be able to make an appointment to see the fertility specialist. Every time I call, they tell me they are waiting on this or that. So I call whoever they are waiting on, and give it a few days. Then I call the specialists office again, and they got what they needed, but they also need this other thing.... so I'm on the phone again. I'll get more lab work done tomorrow, and hopefully that will be the final requirement so I can finally make an appointment, which will be 2-4 weeks from when I schedule it.

I'd like to say that I've learned some more deep, philosophical or spiritual truths since I last wrote, but the only thing I've learned since then..... I don't have chlamydia. Phrewf! There is some good news in all of this.

Infertility at the End of the Month

It's about that time... the end of the month. My period is due in the next 7 or so days, and I have all the usual symptoms. I feel weak, and tired. I'm not quite weepy yet, but I know that's coming too. So today I thought about it a bit, and I'm trying to think of ways to prepare for the first few drops of red that show me again that we have not conceived this month.

You'd think that knowing its coming and being prepared would be half the battle, but how do you prepare for this emotional tidal wave? I've been down this road. I feel weak and tired, but isn't that how I'd feel if I were pregnant too? Month after month I've played these games with myself. No matter how much I tell myself that, rationally, this is PMS not early pregnancy, my heart is still battling with my mind. I know that if I were pregnant there would also be other signs, but somewhere deep inside I cannot let go of hope. People always talk about hope as a positive thing, it's the thing that keeps you going. Why do I feel like hope is destroying me? If I could only let go of this hope, I would be more emotionally stable, which would help me feel physically stronger. But no, hope has it's grip on me, and I can't shake it, even if I desperately want to. Logic will not win the battle against emotion, especially with the current hormone cocktail I've got brewing.

In nursing school, you learn about the "feeling of impending doom". If a patient describes anything like this, you listen, because it truly means something big and bad is about to happen. You notify everyone who needs to know. You get help.

What do I do with that feeling now? I know my period is coming, and I know that when I does I will cry for a day and be depressed with no energy or drive for about 3 days. I know it's coming, and I don't want it to rule my life. What can I do to prepare?? It feels so helpless and again, the lesson of this whole thing....... out of control. I get it God, I'm not the one in control here. Help me get through the next week and a half....

Adventures in Infertility

We haven't posted in a long time, so I have no idea who, if anyone, will be reading this. I (Jen) am just kind of looking at it as a public journal for now. It's going to be personal, and not nearly as riveting as Andrew's conspiracies or ways to get involved to save the earth. It's just me, and what's been going on... looking for anyone who can relate or has constructive ideas.

Since December 07, just after we ran the Chicago and Grand Rapids Marathons, we've been trying to conceive. If that's too personal, stop reading now. We've tried everything. We are educated folks, and I'm a nurse in labor and delivery, so we have a lot more information than the average 20-something who wants to have a baby. I planned to be pregnant in the first 2-3 months of trying. Why not? We are healthy, young, not overweight, not eating an abundance of junk food, get 7-8 hours of sleep a night, drink a lot of water, eat some organic foods, and have no family history of fertility issues. I've been taking prenatal vitamins since before we started trying, so we have covered all the major bases. Needless to say, 3 months came and went.

I didn't start getting anxious until about 6 months. Many of our friends who started trying at the same time as us were announcing their pregnancies, and every month when I got my period again it felt like failure. Andrew and I are both first born control freaks, but we are aware of this so it's fair game to talk about. We are white, middle class, educated. We recognize that we are privileged. For our entire lives so far, if we wanted something, we were able to work harder or smarter and get it. We've never encountered anything (at least not anything important) that we absolutely could not get. But we cannot control this one. We can't work a little harder and end up with a baby. We can't get more educated to learn what steps to take to have a baby.

By 10 months we stopped charting our cycles. We'd been charting for over 3 years by then, first to avoid pregnancy, then to try to achieve it. We just needed to stop thinking about it for a while. After one year, I knew that we had officially inherited the title "Infertile". This was my biggest emotional breakdown. At work women of all kinds were coming in to have babies... fat women, smokers, women who had been on the pill or had an IUD to prevent pregnancy, and even women on cocaine. They gave birth to healthy babies, both wanted and unwanted. And here am I. Young, healthy, and wanting.

Being infertile made me question myself as a woman. Being tall and athletic, I have always been teased. People have called me names: Jolly Green Giant when I wore my favorite green dress, Ogre throughout middle and high school, and yes, of course, lesbian. Now, this one thing that makes me distinctly woman, the ability to carry and give birth to a baby, is being withheld from me. Why?

Also, it's been a time of deepening faith for me. I have yelled at God and asked "Why?". I have cried, and begged, and probably tried to strike deals with Him, but still, here I am. Barren. Maybe He's not saying No, maybe He is saying Not Yet. On my good days I know that I still trust Him and love Him, and on my bad days I eventually come to that conclusion after I rage at Him for a while. Glad He is all loving and full of grace. He can take it.

Marriage. I truly think that a thing like this can tear it apart or make it more solid than it ever would have been without these trials. Praise God; Andrew and I are closer than ever. We can talk about all these things, and usually our bad days don't come on the same day.

At about 15 months of "trying" we got some basic testing done. We check out okay. That's great! And horrible. As control freaks we want to know what's wrong so we can fix it. Instead we fit into the category of "Unexplained Infertility", which applies to about 20% of infertile couples.

Meanwhile, our friends are now having babies. And more friends continue to get pregnant. We are truly happy for them. It does, also, remind us of our great saddness.

We are now at 18 months and met with the doctor yesterday. She is great. I am not thrilled at the idea of pumping my body full of synthetic hormones, and she understands that. Here are the options. Do nothing and continue to wait. Start treatments with drugs to try to treat a problem that doesn't seem to be there. See a fertility specialist and find out more options. We'll see.

We've also gone to informational meetings about adoption, which is something we both wanted to do before we got married. We always pictured it as more of a choice, not as our only option. We were told that if we conceive during the adoption process, we have to wait until the baby is about 8 months old and start the process over from the beginning. Does anyone have anything to say to that? Did this happen to you? What did you do? What are you doing now?

Friends and family. No one knows how to respond to this, and it makes them uncomfortable. When you run into someone and they say "Hey, how's it going?" or "What's up?" or "What have you been up to lately?" I can feel it bottle up inside of me and I want to regurgitate this entire blog for them, but how many people really want to stop and listen to that? The more polite response is that not much is up, and you're doing well, so I stick to that for the most part. When I do tell people, they either look like they would like to close their eyes and wish themselves out of the situation because they are so uncomfortable, or they offer some cheery advice to "help". Like this:

Just stop caring/trying/worrying about it and it will happen.

Look into adoption and it will happen.

Um, not helpful. I want to punch them in the face and run away crying, but I know they are only saying this because they have heard it said before or they just don't know how to respond. No worries, I'm going to tell you how to respond right now...

If someone tells you anything that is difficult for them, infertility included, respond something like this: "I'm so sorry, that must be really hard for you guys. " Then, encourage them to open up about it as much as they would like to. It really shows that you care and is way better than any cliche you have to offer.

So, like I said, for now we have a decision to make. I think we'll probably see the specialist, but as much as we'd like to have a baby we seem to be dragging our toes a bit. I just keep thinking that maybe this month will be different. Maybe if we are just patient this one more time it will pay off....

Setting myself up for another disappointment. About the 19th or 20th one, actually.

Signing Off

I haven't posted in two months, and I don't plan to post for a long while. Blogging takes more time than I want to give to it. If we do pick it up again, we'll probably return to the personal stuff. That just might be worth the time. A&J

McCain's Buddhist Faith

Don't believe everything you read. Barack Obama is not a Muslim. John McCain is not a Buddhist. Both are Christians. Let us not come to evaluate candidates by trying to determine which is more "Christian". So with that preface, I thought that you might be interested in this crazy email I received at work. I couldn't find anything about it online elsewhere.

as a member of a small Christian church here in Germany and interested in US and world politics I am watching the events in the United States very closely.

In this context I want to give you my honest assessment about John McCain. I have read that almost all the Evangelical congregations in the US have endorsed him. That's hard to understand.

Frankly: After I listened to John McCain several times, heard his statements and watched his encounter with the Dalai Lama on July 25 in Denver, Colorado, I have very strong reservations about any endorsement of an Atheist or Buddhist candidate who left his wife when she was disabled. There is nothing Christian in John McCain's biography.

I do not see anything in his words and deeds which is in concordance with the words of the Gospel. Absolutely nothing! I only see in John McCain hatred and Buddhist spirituality at the same time.

Look at the pictures of Denver: how the Dalai Lama took McCain's right hand and patted it repeatedly while he spoke and McCain smiled like a Buddhist acolyte. Finally John McCain removed his hand, put it to his heart and said to the Dalai Lama: THANK YOU YOUR HOLINESS.

Buddhism is surely a peaceful religion, so you may wonder why John McCain is exuding so much hatred, infirmity and confusion.

To understand this you have to know very briefly two of the most important constituents of Buddhism, metempsychosis and the concept of Vices:

first there is the idea of a transmigration of souls, metempsychosis (the current Dalai Lama is still worshipped by his followers as a semi-god, because he incarnates the souls of his predecessors) and

second there is the conception of three Buddhist 'Vices', who are driving the life of human beings on their earthly circle (this earthly circle is called 'Samsara' = 'Wheel of Life' in Buddhist religion).

As an acolyte John McCain has often gone to see the Dalai Lama for spiritual guidance.

The last time John McCain visited the Dalai Lama was on Friday, July 25. Of course McCain sought in these visitations an answer how to contain his 'Vices' who are - as he believes it - the 'Vices' of - Greed - (symbolized as a cock) - Ignorance - (symbolized as a pig) and - Hatred - (symbolized as a snake) (all according to the Buddhist religion).

If you look at John McCain's hatred, infirmity and confusion you can easily find these so called 'Vices' of Buddhism as the driving forces behind his 'Samsara' (wheel of life). But McCain's Buddhist spirituality, his aggressiveness and his hatred have absolutely NOTHING to do with Christianity.

Yours sincerely

name witheld (München, Germany)

Video (Washington Post) of the encounter of the Dalai Lama and John McCain in Denver, July 25:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/video/2008/07/25/VI2008072502539.html?sid=ST2008072503003

Apologizing for the enslavement and racial segregation of African-Americans

February 27, 2007


Resolved, That the House of Representatives--

(1)
acknowledges that slavery is incompatible with the basic founding
principles recognized in the Declaration of Independence that all men
are created equal;

(2) acknowledges the fundamental injustice, cruelty, brutality, and inhumanity of slavery and Jim Crow;

(3)
apologizes to African Americans on behalf of the people of the United
States, for the wrongs committed against them and their ancestors who
suffered under slavery and Jim Crow; and

(4) expresses its
commitment to rectify the lingering consequences of the misdeeds
committed against African Americans under slavery and Jim Crow and to
stop the occurrence of human rights violations in the future.

Full text of bill - it's short.

Why many Americans perfer their Sundays segregated

I found this fascinating and disheartening. CNN article.

Our First Kiva Loan is Repaid

Last December, we lent $25 as part of a collective $1,200 loan to an Ukrainian woman for her shoe selling business in Kharkiv. Now, we just reloaned the money again! What a beautiful cycle possible in capitalism. If you haven't heard about Kiva.org, check it out!

100% Clean, Renewable Energy in 10 years

Olympics on Google

The Summer Games Google Maps lets you view medal and event information based on your favorite regions and sports, and there's a 3D video of the various Games venues you can tour:

Anthrax - Government coverup?

I know I'm behind the times with this. Here's an 8 minute video and a NYTimes article link.

USDA Organic Fraud

The U.S. Department of Agriculture National Organic Program (NOP)
announced on August 5th that 15 of the 30 accredited organic certifiers
they recently inspected failed the USDA audit and will have 12 months
to make corrections or lose their accreditation with the NOP. It is
clear that there are numerous violations of organic standards taking
place in the U.S. and across the world. (Read the August 5 NOP Audit
Report here)

Rest of the OCA article here.

Free CFL Recycling at Home Depot

It's about time! More.

Organic Foods Priority

From ConsumerReports' Greener Choices: Go for produce first on your organic shopping budget. Then for meats, eggs and dairy. Not surprisingly, Jen and I had come to this conclusion on our own. Nevertheless, it's nice to feel validated! More.

McCain's Funny Alright

This just in from McCain's campaign - the prize that can be yours for a $25 donation! Arguments are confusing to most of us. I think McCain's campaign has a better sense of humor. I suppose that goes with the territory of being a senator for the past 22 years - you can play defense when you know the ropes a little more and have less dramatic solutions for the country. Not that that's a bad thing, necessarily. Seriously. This is a purely humorous post. Too bad I already have a stainless steel tire gauge.

American Life Drops $1 M

This American life - what's it worth? About $6.9 M according to the EPA. That's down one million from five years ago. What about inflation?!?! More.

Instead, economists calculate the value based on what people are
willing to pay to avoid certain risks, and on how much extra employers
pay their workers to take on additional risks. Most of the data is
drawn from payroll statistics; some comes from opinion surveys.
According to the EPA, people shouldn't think of the number as a price
tag on a life.

Email A to Z

This 20 question quiz tests your email aptitude. I scored 14 and passed. I thought I did a lot better than that! Post your score if you take it.

Email Test

Sweet Misery: A Poisoned World

I stopped drinking diet sodas years ago. It didn't taste as good or seem very natural. Considering NutraSweet and Equal are about as old as I am, I'm left wondering why the public didn't know about these health risks? Further, why are many people "dieting" by drinking these scary substances??? It's the most food product studied in the world!!!

Now this is not a great documentary. It's low-tech. I wish there were a filtered version that included the 30-45 minutes most valuable of the 90 minute total production.

Does anybody know anything about Stevia? Apparently the FDA won't look at it...

If you're still eating foods containing the artificial sweetener aspartame (NutraSweet, Equal, diet drinks, etc.), you need to watch this documentary. Aspartame was approved for widespread use in the U.S. in July of 1983. Within six months, brain tumor rates climbed 10%, diabetes went up 30% and brain lymphoma tumors skyrocketed 60%. Learn how this toxic chemical was scandalously approved by the FDA and is now one of the most widespread food additives in the U.S.
Watch it now: http://www.organicconsumers.org/articles/article_9978.cfm

Habitat for Humanity Investment

I'm not sure how many will take this investment option offering "up to 2%" over 3, 5, 7, or 10 years. It reminds me of Kiva - with a small, added margin.

HABITAT FOR HUMANITY INTERNATIONAL OFFERS INVESTMENT-BASED INITIATIVE TO SUPPORT HOUSE-BUILDING PROJECTS

Investment Program with Calvert Foundation creates an additional way to help finance Habitat’s Work

ATLANTA and BETHESDA, Md. (July 24, 2008) —Habitat for Humanity International and Calvert Social Investment Foundation today announced the launch of the Habitat for Humanity Investment Program, which will enable people to support Habitat for Humanity as they make affordable housing part of their investment portfolio.

Facilitated through Calvert Foundation’s Community Investment Note, the program provides a means for individuals and other nonprofits to invest their money into a fund that directly benefits Habitat for Humanity. The notes start at a $1,000 minimum (when purchased directly from Calvert Foundation – www.calvertfoundation.org/habitat – or through a financial adviser) and $100 when purchased online at MicroPlace (www.microplace.com/habitat ), an eBay company.

The notes may be invested for one, three, five, seven or 10 years, and investors choose to earn an interest rate up to 2 percent. The full value of the principal is then loaned to Habitat for Humanity, enabling Habitat to obtain access to low-cost, flexible capital, which then will be used to serve more families and build houses at a faster rate.

At maturity, investors may collect the principal and interest accrued, or they may reinvest to support Habitat and help provide a sustainable solution to fighting poverty. Investors also have the option of making a tax-deductible donation of their interest to Habitat for Humanity.

“The vast need for decent, affordable housing in our world means that we have to be creative in our response to it, while staying true to Habitat’s mission,” said Jonathan Reckford, CEO of Habitat for Humanity International. “This exciting opportunity with Calvert Foundation will generate more capital to help further that mission. As supporters invest in the Habitat Investment Program, we will be able to strengthen our capacity, which, in turn, will allow us to invest in more families as together we build simple, decent homes worldwide.”

Calvert Foundation, which is a nonprofit organization that raises investment capital through individuals and institutions and uses the funds to provide affordable loans to nonprofit organizations, issues the Community Investment Notes. Calvert Foundation has raised more than $140 million over the last 12 years through similar Community Investment Note programs and has helped build more than 12,500 affordable homes.

“We are so pleased to work with Habitat for Humanity on this investment initiative,” said Shari Berenbach, president and CEO of Calvert Foundation. “For over a decade, Calvert Foundation has worked hard to show the world how powerful investment can be for helping nonprofits thrive and grow. The Habitat Investment Program will make a meaningful impact for

Maybe Bush is not Batman

I'm behind the times in hearing just today about the Wall Street Journal's article comparing Bush to Batman. Here's a response to that opinion piece. This is the final paragraph:

But ultimately this film is about society's desire for a
scapegoat. "You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself
become the villain," say at least two of the characters, and it
climaxes with Batman on the run from the authorities because people
have started to blame him for what is wrong with their lives. In this
regard, the film ends on a note that either satirizes or endorses the
view that George W. Bush has been a shining hero, defending the free
world from masked evil. I tend to think that the film comes down on the
side of the angels rather than the hawks, in the way it raises the
prospect that violence meeting violence produces only more violence.
Indeed, the most hopeful and heroic act in the whole story comes from
one of the men in an orange jumpsuit. But these things can be read a
number of ways, and I could be wrong. In fact, I'm pretty sure that in
spite of the film's extraordinary quality, the politics of The Dark Knight are so subtle that this movie will be a great comfort to President Bush in his retirement.

National Housing Trust Fund

In partnership with Habitat for Humanity, a national housing trust fund was created. I'm proud to say I helped encourage my elected officials to create such a program. Here's the news straight from the HFH International CEO:

We did it!

Months ago, we began fighting for vulnerable families and communities hardest hit by the housing crisis in America.

Today, we can celebrate.

After the Senate and House passed a sweeping housing relief bill, President Bush signed the bill into law earlier this week. This is a major victory, particularly given that the new law contains 100 percent of the provisions we have been fighting for - including $4 billion in neighborhood stabilization funding and the national housing trust fund.

The compassion and dedication of Habitat for Humanity supporters like you helped make this possible. Congress made this legislation a top priority because, together, we stood up for this important bill and the families it will serve.

This is a huge victory for families and communities across America caught up in one of the worst housing crises in our country's history. Your support is truly making a difference.

Thank you again for all that you do.

Sincerely,

Jonathan Reckford
Chief Executive Officer
Habitat for Humanity International