You'd think that knowing its coming and being prepared would be half the battle, but how do you prepare for this emotional tidal wave? I've been down this road. I feel weak and tired, but isn't that how I'd feel if I were pregnant too? Month after month I've played these games with myself. No matter how much I tell myself that, rationally, this is PMS not early pregnancy, my heart is still battling with my mind. I know that if I were pregnant there would also be other signs, but somewhere deep inside I cannot let go of hope. People always talk about hope as a positive thing, it's the thing that keeps you going. Why do I feel like hope is destroying me? If I could only let go of this hope, I would be more emotionally stable, which would help me feel physically stronger. But no, hope has it's grip on me, and I can't shake it, even if I desperately want to. Logic will not win the battle against emotion, especially with the current hormone cocktail I've got brewing.
In nursing school, you learn about the "feeling of impending doom". If a patient describes anything like this, you listen, because it truly means something big and bad is about to happen. You notify everyone who needs to know. You get help.
What do I do with that feeling now? I know my period is coming, and I know that when I does I will cry for a day and be depressed with no energy or drive for about 3 days. I know it's coming, and I don't want it to rule my life. What can I do to prepare?? It feels so helpless and again, the lesson of this whole thing....... out of control. I get it God, I'm not the one in control here. Help me get through the next week and a half....
Jen,
ReplyDeleteYou are not alone. We, your friends, are with you. You fill our minds and our prayers. Do not keep such a burden and pain on your heart. I would hug you right now if I could, and I would cry with you. We love you so so much.